Garden Gnomes

Your garden gnome can help

you with advice and practical

or money matters -

Write what you need on

a piece of square orange paper

then wrap it around a silver

 or gold coloured coin -

The value doesn't matter -

Bury it at the gnomes feet

just as the sun is setting -

You must also leave a dish

of water and seeds for him to share with the birds -

If your note is concerning a problem or dilemma, on the

fifth day you will be given the answer to your problem from

 a most unexpected source -

I had been querying why our lottery syndicate hadn't won anything for a long time and suddenly our television went

on -

An American cartoon was

showing and there was

actually a shopping mall

showing with a sign saying "Lottery Win" which was

very odd -

we went on to win the lottery

for several weeks in a row

    SPENT

Many Happy Returns Tim

You're 39 today

Your next birthday is your 40th

And that's not far away

So our gift to you is keep fit equipment

As if you don't do enough

You'll certainly be fit to drop

And very short of puff

It really will be worth it

if you promise not to be naughty

You'll be fit and lean,

 a sex machine

Life will really begin at 40

So climb upon that treadmill

and really "fight the flab"

Julie will make some

 healthy meals

If you give her your

"gift of the gab"

So smash the wine bottle

And avoid the burger van

Keep it up for the

 next twelve months

And you'll be

a matchstick man.